Thursday, August 25, 2011

Nicole Scherzinger - Right There ft. 50 Cent

The lyrics are inappropriate, I agree. But I just loveeeeee this songgggg. Can't get enough of it :)

Demi Lovato - Skyscraper

Confession: I am a lot more broken than how I appeared to be. And somehow, I became inspired & more positive whenever I listen to this song :) So cheers!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Friends, don't leave me...

I always feel like I'm losing friends. Although I know I have 500+ friends in Facebook but come on, let's face it...when I post a status or something, I never received 500+ comments from those friends. Tried to reduce that number but I can't delete them. Because I know them.

What I'm trying to say at the first place is, I think I have less friends now. And I'm not surprised if it will be much lesser in a few years time.
Why did I say that, in case you're wondering?

Well, it's because of my commitment towards my job. I have to commit 24 hours, 7 days a week. Doesn't matter if you're off that day, but you still have to be in standby mode. Just in case. Never once during my off day, I leave the house without my handphone or even leave the room without my handphone! Just in case if the office called and wants me to work. That happens, although not all the time, but it could happen.

And, that's why I can't commit to any plans. Doesn't matter if it's simple stuff like lepak session and dinner plans or something bigger like going for a vacation.

And I realised about it yesterday.
When I was supposed to buka puasa with my bestfriends at Johnnys which I've been craving for such a longgg time, and later at night I was planning to go for a lepak session with my Diploma classmates at Bangsar.
The plan I had was perfect.
Because that day I covered a court case and I planned to finish the story real quick so that I can go to Johnnys around 6pm to order.

But sadly I have to cancel because I have to go shoot for my "Berbuka Di Mana" segment because we didn't have enough stock for tomorrow.
And other reporters are busy with late assignments so I can't ask them to go.
Haih. I'm so depressed!

But, what kind of reporter will I be and how will my colleagues or editors look at me if I chose to go back early while my colleagues are struggling with work?
What kind of reporter am I if I ignore the fact that we didn't have stock for tomorrow.

I had to cancel.
I'm sorry, friends.

I know they didn't hold grudges or anything because they know I had to work but still, I feel so bad, up until today.

I wondered, what if I have to cancel every single time I have plans with them? I know eventually they will give up making plans with me. And ended up, I'm left with much less friends or even worse, no friends at all!

Choy! *touch wood*

But just for the record, to all my friends who happen to read this, I am deeply sorry.
And I would like to apologize in advance if there will be any future cancellation. Just so you know, to cancel is my last option.

I treasure all my friends! And I don't think I can go on with this messed up life of mine without you, friends :) Much love!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I miss you, miss you.

Ya Allah ya Tuhanku,
Apa khabar dia di sana?
Aku rindukan senyumannya ya Allah.
Senyumannya boleh buat semua hati yang sedang bergelodak menjadi tenang.

Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat & ditempatkan di kalangan yang beriman.
Amin ya rabbal alamin.

P/s: I always wish you will enter my dreams. Hope tonight will be a lucky night.

Friday, August 12, 2011

I'm okay now. Alhamdulillah! :)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The One Where Breaking Down Became Messy.

Something sad is when letting people to finally see how broken you really are.
All my life, I've been keeping a lot of things inside. I never shared with anyone.
No matter what happens, especially the sad & bad news, I don't normally share with people.
If they do know, is their luck. But I always show my strong side with a smile on my face to convince people that I am okay.

But, I am a normal human being. I am a weak woman.

I failed to keep it to myself yesterday. I failed to act strong yesterday.
It's because I am tired. Tired of appearing like I am strong at the outside so that people won't bother asking me questions while at the inside my heart and my soul is breaking every second.

My mother, my sister, my close friends..they've been reminding a lot of times how unhealthy it is to not share your sadness with people. They said I love to "simpan dalam".

Well people, now you know what happens when I've finally allow you to have a peek inside my heart.
It wasn't pretty. Breaking down wasn't pretty.

And what my family & friends told me was true. I can't keep it inside forever. Once I grew tired of it, BOOMMM! You know what happened. I broke down. Pretty badly.

Which leads to me having fever the next day. And I took MC. Thank God for that. The post-breakdown is still around today. And I needed that MC. To make myself healthy again and to cure my heart.

I'm okay now. I'm okay today.

It's time to go on with my life and back to my normal self. I wasn't myself for the past year.

But I'm back baby.

I am so blessed to be surrounded with a bunch of good friends. You know who you are. You are so supportive, so kind and most importantly, so worried! Sorry for making you worry.

Thanks for all of your kindness.

For the first time since last year, I can be frank to myself and to you guys that I AM OKAY NOW. Like, finally.

Syukur Alhamdulillah :)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Saya bekerja pada Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Anda bagaimana?